17 September 2008

Tales of Bravery and Anti-Freeze

Some time has passed since my last blog, so I thought I would let the world in on my life lived on the edge. (In case any of you were wondering, that sentence was a joke.) I have fought bravely on the front lines of life since then, and I have lost. I have sustained no major loss, but laziness has plagued my bones. No self-respecting adult should begin their morning at 11 AM, but lately I have. Two seasons of TV on DVD have found shelter in the caverns of my docile brain, and my house remains a wreck. When will motivation find me? 

So I sit in my favorite chair, writing about laziness on my new Macbook, surrounded by the clutter I have yet felt compelled to organize. In the meantime I have started a career at Starbucks and learned the arts of the coffee barista. I have faced the coffee dragons (as I like to call them), and I have survived the fiery blast that spews forth from their condescension. Sometimes bravery means not reflecting the attitude which the dragons breath down on you. I cannot say that I did not struggle with my attitude, but I remained sincere and helpful, and that will defeat most dragons as they normally receive swords in return for their actions. Bravery: not writing someone off when you have every right to do so.

I'll proceed on, as not to bore you. (I'll try at least.) Today I opened for the first time at the Bucks. 5AM. Ugh. I believe whole-heartedly that God did not intend man to rise before the sun, but I found myself staring down the road into the darkness with my headlights keeping me company. Stupid AM. I managed though, with the help of four espresso shots. Afterward, I took a well deserved nap. Incredible. If only Napping competitions existed, I would not do anything else. Mmmmmm - Sleep.

Nap behind me, I headed to West K-Town to pick up my wife from student teaching. Let me take a quick moment to tell you about the phenomenon that is my wife. Beauty. Humor. Heart. Charm. Love. One day she will achieve sainthood, until then I will remain her favorite sinner. The one guy who did not deserve her, but she still choose to share her heart and home. Blessed. 

Anyway, Gina students teaches and I pick her up on Wednesdays after school so she can attend church with me and we do not waste too much gasoline. On the way I noticed that the Taurus (whom I call Melvin) reached pretty high up on the temperature gauge. I do not like when Melvin reaches the toward the "H" that rests above that safe zone. Melvin never lost his cool, but he came close. When we reached church I looked under the hood, and sure enough the reservoir held no signs of coolant. So after reaching a fever pitch of stress (this activity involves me calling my dad and questioning him like a mechanic, calling a mechanic, surfing the web, and inspecting the engine) I decided filling the reservoir was my only option, and until something serious happened I possessed no reason for freaking out. God talks through my car.

I sometimes worry I will die of a heart attack because I can hardly handle my anxiety. I tell the students in my youth group to bring their worries to God, but I find myself unable to follow that advice. Still, again and again, God finds me driving to the mechanic praying for my car (sounds dumb, but I stress so much about my vehicles) and he provides. Too often I rely on myself, whether my car breaks down, or my bank account looks like a creek in the desert, or I forget why I am a minister. Too often when I cross those deserts, I look back and see God's working. When will I learn? 

Trust will lead to the fulfilled Christian life. Trust. Practicing this simple word will allow us to open up to the leading of the Invisible God, but trusting what you cannot see can feel like walking through the forest blindfolded. Even though trust is hard, trust moves us forward, especially with God. Though the disciples found themselves in great danger, more than once, they would not have seen the miracles if they did not trust the carpenter's son when he said, "Follow me." Trust. 

Trusting God can seem like starring under the hood of your car. You want to make a move, to fix what's wrong, but you cannot see where to start. To trust, just start.  I will learn to trust if you will.


Hilah said...

great post sam...i'm right there with ya. i hope melvin survives his illness :)

coloradotngirl said...

Thanks for the compliments, I hardly deserve them. Great post though-you have a way with words and stories. I didn't know our car was named Melvin either, but I think it is fitting-He needed a name.

Sara said...

Thanks for the post Sam. I was having a "freak-out" day and needed the reminder.

partyoffivetn said...

So...you have a girl, and a boy! You actually made me tear up with your sweetness toward Gina...so with that I don't get the chance to say anything about rabies....but I really did enjoy this blog...trust...yup...I'm there too....