26 January 2009

Deep


I feel deeply. Not about any particular subject or object. I just feel deeply. Movies, book, and music create these feelings for me the fastest. The music at the end of Meet Joe Black causes me to tear up. Just the music. Not only will instrumental music cause a stir, but lyrics even more so. I listen and hear myself in the lyrics, or I hear God speaking to me. God speaks to me through music, Christian or otherwise, as I know God has given each of his children a gift, whether they know that God bestowed it.

I am also deeply affected by other's experiences. Books often cause me to laugh out loud, or sit in awe of surviving such tragedies. Such as The Art of Racing in the Rain, The Chronicles of Narnia, Of Mice and Men, To Kill a Mockingbird. I sometimes wonder if I should call it compassion or if I am overly sensitive, but I ache when read such sadness, and I soar when I read triumph. 

Movies do the same as the books, they just take less time. Often after watching a movie I will carry those emotions the rest of the day. After watching The Emperor's Club I felt as though I needed to make more of a difference in the life of every young person I knew. After watching Finding Neverland I cried. The sadness stayed with for the rest of the day. Even after watching I Am Legend my week became time for me to prepare (only in my mind) for a post apocalyptic America, and changes I would make to perfect Robert Neville's finely crafted daily routine.

I feel deeply. 

I cried on my wedding day. Gina and I had created a slide show to the song "A Page is Turned" by Bebo Norman (look it up) that showed the two of us growing up and then pictures of us together. At the end the crowd would stand, to watch Gina walk down the aisle. I stood and watched the slides, I remembered the memories, and I turned with my friends and family to behold her. Gina floated down the aisle toward me, escorted by her father, and I began to cry. I did not blubber, but more than one tear flowed. I cried because of her beauty, and because I could see my father crying, but mostly I cried from joy. I knew I would never experience a better day. This day my friend, my confidant, my love would become wife and take my name. A name that she would only make better. Only God can understand the amount of love I have for Gina and its unyielding, faithful nature.

I cry at many TV shows, movies, and songs. I even remember crying as I watched Father of the Bride. I might have been 12 at the time, but I remember feeling so upset because she left without saying goodbye to her father. I remember crying after watching The Lion King because losing my own father lingered in my mind. (One reason I believe Disney needs to stop making movies where a parent dies in the first 30 minutes. That can affect children strongly.)

I feel deeply.

I normally end my blogs with a thought about the Father, or some encouragement to change for the better, but today I have no such ending hiding under my finger tips. I write this blog shortly after finishing The Shack by W. M. Paul Young. Read this book. Read this book. READ this book. I have never felt so challenged to confront my stereotypes of God as I have through this book, and I have never read the complicated matters of faith and theology reduced so well to the profound simplicity they should produce in our lives. 

I feel deeply and if you feel deeply about something then let it change you.

1 comment:

SmallWorld at Home said...

This post made ME all weepy. Especially the wedding part, and that you love To Kill a Mockingbird so much.

And Randy's crying at our wedding saved me from crying too horribly, because he had snot running down his nose. That made me stop crying and start laughing. Unfortunately, that was during my vows.